| Trying to contain his satisfaction, Steve calmly asked, ‘Do you know when he’ll be back? This type of situation calls for a direct apology. I’d really love to give it to him.’ |
There has always been tension between Steve Moran and Mr Griffs, especially with Steve always looking to blame his neighbour when things go wrong for him. It doesn’t help Mr Griffs’ cause that in many instances he is at fault.
In this scene, Steve just received confirmation from Mrs Griffs that her husband was behind the horde of wild bush turkeys that took residence on his property. And yet, Steve is not entirely right. There were other forces at work.
Is Steve Moran right to blame Mr Griffs for this incident?
We decided to write an uncut version of the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series to share with our readers many of the back stories that we come up with as we write. Never Assume: Uncut features exclusive bonus material and interviews with some of your favourite characters. We tried to conduct each interview with every character separately but it was not easy keeping them away from each other.
Never Assume, is the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series.
J & K Joseph are a brother and sister team from Sydney, Australia. This is first book that they’ve ever published.
In case you’ve missed it, here is a blurb of Never Assume: | Mr Griffs loves everything his neighbour hates.
While Mr Griffs enjoys wearing baggy clothes, Steve Moran only dresses in designer suits. Mr Griffs relishes his privacy and Steve regularly snoops on people. Mr Griffs appreciates wildlife whereas Steve sees wild animals as pests.
Their long standing rivalry escalates when Steve accuses Mr Griffs of digging holes in his garden. In response, Mr Griffs uses a particularly hot batch of his wife’s spicy nuts to get back at Steve.
Mr Griffs and Steve Moran rarely see eye to eye, but they do have one thing in common. They’re both guilty of assuming.
Absurd and quirky - this is just a typical day in the life of Mr Griffs.
Confirming his suspicion that Steve had in fact been spying on him the other day, Mr Griffs said loudly, ‘Next time you decide to snoop around my garden, you ought to change your cologne. It’s a dead giveaway. It’s so stinky!’ |
Mrs Griffs’ famous spiced nuts was a feature in Never Assume. Mr Griffs, not one for spicy food, wasn’t a fan of this particular batch. Mrs Griffs can often be haphazard when seasoning her food. We reckon she over spices them on purpose just to keep her husband on his toes. But of course, Mrs Griffs won’t admit to anything.
| 'So careless! Kids these days have no respect for anything,’ he barked. At forty years of age, Steve liked to think that he was old enough to demand respect from everyone. At the same time, however, he never thought to give Mr Griffs the same consideration. |
One of Steve’s famous lines in Never Assume – the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series. In this scene, Sophia, a free-spirited 11-year-old newspaper girl, angers Steve when she lobs his newspaper onto his soggy grass. This aggravates Steve to no end as it means he has to stray off from his clean stone pathway and get his cashmere socks dirty.
In contrast, Mr Griffs is on good terms with Sophia, as he admires her attitude and how she never shies away from telling Steve off. Mr Griffs is also very friendly with her grandmother, Nancy, who is known as the best jam-maker in Cornville.
Nancy and Sophia have long harboured resentment towards Steve. To find out exactly where all this hostility stems from – stay tuned for the upcoming release of Never Assume: Uncut. Never Assume: Uncut includes many other bonus materials, backstories and exclusive interviews with your favourite characters.
The official release of Never Assume: Uncut.
You can now download a FREE copy of this eBook under the stories tab. Never Assume: Uncut is also available on Amazon, iBooks, Smashwords and other popular online retailers.
| ‘Mrs Griffs’ anger had evaporated. Her husband’s funny expressions always made her smile and she knew that the best course of action was just to let him be.’ |
A line from Never Assume – the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series. In this scene, Mrs Griffs catches her husband planning his revenge on their neighbour, Steve Moran, with Ruby and Lucy (two lovely girls that they often babysit). After telling him off, Mr Griffs somehow manages, with his usual cheekiness, to get out of trouble. Although Mr Griffs can be grumpy at times, and won’t hesitate to call someone off, he has a boyish charm. It also helps that Mr Griffs’ Northern English accent and eccentric way for looking at things often makes him endearing.
| ‘Why was Steve so caught up in his life?
After all, why would Steve care about what a sixty-something year-old retiree, who liked to occasionally sunbake shirtless in the privacy of his backyard, was doing? What could he possibly get up to?' |
On the surface, Mr Griffs and Steve Moran are polar opposites and seem to disapprove of the other’s lifestyle. But, yet, they often get caught up in each other’s lives. Steve, can’t help but snoop on his neighbour as he is always searching for validation of his own superiority. Everything about Mr Griffs rubs Steve the wrong way - but also highlights to himself how his way of life, his appearance, and his behaviour is the better of the two.
On the other hand, Mr Griffs is curious by nature. He has to know how everything works and why anyone acts the way they do. But, ironically, he is completely unaware of how his actions confuse and often provoke people. From Mr Griffs’ perspective he is just living his life. Who cares what people think of him?
This particular quote, in Never Assume, emphasises how Steve is always interfering and looking for faults in Mr Griffs. But underlying this, is the idea that Mr Griffs’ eccentric behaviour often draws attention to himself. Often unknowingly.
A phrase Mr Griffs uses when listening to something he doesn't want hear or when he doesn't want to admit his lack of knowledge about something. We often use this line to show his quirky idiosyncrasies and to highlight just how much of a unique character he is. | As he was munching on a grape, the worker behind the station started to spruik the product. He had just begun to rant on about the antioxidants in red grapes when Mr Griffs cut into the conversation. ‘Sure, sure. It’s obvious, no?’ He had long ago stopped listening to pushy salespeople and often used this phrase to pacify them. |
What do you think about Mr Griffs' tactic?
A line from Never Assume, the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series. In this scene, Steve Moran, Mr Griffs' difficult neighbour, reaches his breaking point when he realises that his only remaining suit has been ruined. Unlike Mr Griffs, who couldn't care less about what he wears, Steve values the power and authority that comes from being dressed in designer clothes.
| Steve hesitantly looked down at his filthy suit. He began to hyperventilate. 'This is just too much. I don't have any more suits. What am I going to wear to work?' The thought that he would have to go into work without wearing a suit was a reality he couldn't face. There was nothing left for him to do. He had to call in sick - he had no choice. |
In this scene Steve Moran confronts Mr Griffs about his part in the mysterious holes that have been showing up in Steve's garden.
| Mr Griffs was about to ask him about his choice of attire when Steve butted in. ‘The turkeys should be here any moment.’ Mr Griffs was still unaware that Steve had figured out his ruse from the night before. He had assumed that Steve would be too busy with his clothing issues to solve the mystery about his garden. ‘Really? You don’t say. I had no idea that bush turkeys liked nuts. There you go Steve, you taught me something for once,’ Mr Griffs lied. |
Never Assume, the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series, is available as a FREE DOWNLOAD. In this story, Mr Griffs' difficult neighbour, Steve Moran, accuses him of digging holes in Steve's garden. What does Mr Griffs do to get back at Steve? Well...you'll just have to find out
A line from Never Assume - the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series. In this scene Steve Moran, a sales executive at an advertising firm, is forced to wash his fancy dressing gown following a run-in with the neighborhood's local newspaper delivery girl, Sophia.
We are a Go For Griffs! Never Assume is now available as a FREE DOWNLOAD at iBooks, Amazon, Smashwords and other popular online retailers. This is the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series. For more information - please check out 'Stories' in the top navigation tab.
A special thanks to Kim @tramik_ for the cover page title, John @johnmartinezart for the cover page illustration, to Arthur Dunderdale for the cover page formatting, and to Emily Paget for her wonderful proofreading. You guys are amazing!
All Things Griffs
Mr Griffs leads a peaceful life. Or so he claims to. He lives on a quiet street, Pickle Mouse Crescent, in the idyllic town of Cornville. Yet for some reason, Mr Griffs always manages to find trouble. Or does trouble find him?