It's no surprise that Mr Griffs loves tea. Especially when it comes with a side of cake. Curious about Mr Griffs' habits we couldn’t resist asking him what was it about tea he loves so much.
‘It’s just soothing. Plus, there’s a whole ritual when it comes to tea. You have to wait for it to brew, pour it slowly and savour the taste.’
We followed this up by pointing out the fact that you can apply the same ritual to coffee.
Mr Griffs waved a dismissive hand at us. ‘What are you talking about? Everyone wants coffee on the go these days.'
Mr Griffs was so adamant that we had to ask him if there was any tea flavour he didn’t like. ‘I’m not crazy about camomile tea. First of all, I always forget how to pronounce the name. Secondly, it’s a bit too bland for my taste. But I do like to make myself a cup every now and then as I don’t mind the smell of it. You know, the steamy stuff that comes from it.'
That’s Mr Griffs for you.
There are so many varieties of cheese out there and we were curious to find out whether Mr Griffs had a favourite.
‘I like a lot of cheese. Not so much the blue stuff. Cheese blue. No, blue cheese. That’s it.’
We asked if he could elaborate on this. ‘I was given a real stinky one as a present once. It was so stinky, that I didn’t know what to do with it. And then it hit me. Steve. I wrapped it up and gave it to him. He seemed to enjoy it. It was one of the very few time he was appreciative. What can I say, the man likes stinky cheese.’
We asked Mr Griffs if he liked any particular artist and what he thought about some of the world’s most famous paintings. Not hesitating, Mr Griffs launched into story about how years ago, he and Mrs Griffs wanted to paint their house. Mrs Griffs wanted to use a different colour for each room but he was having none of it.
‘The sample colours never match the actual colour of the paint. Who cares if it’s called “Crimson Zest” or “Blue Marshmallow” – it’s just a marketing tactic and the colours never turn out right.’
We asked him what colour he ended up painting the house.
‘You know, you can’t go wrong with “White”. Maybe off-white. The only problem is you end up leaving finger prints on the walls. That’s why I have a rule in my house. No touching the walls!'
His face became contemplative. ‘I wonder if these great artists and famous painters of the world have the same problem that I have.’
We recently sat down with Mr Griffs to interview him for Never Assume: Uncut, which is an exclusive behind the scenes look into Never Assume. Wanting the interview space to be as homey as possible, we lit a scented candle. What happened next inspired this week’s ‘The World through the Eyes of Mr Griffs’.
Author 1: Thanks for joining us, Mr Griffs. If I can ask you about -. Mr Griffs: Hold on a minute. I’m not answering any questions until you blow out that stinky candle!
Author 2: Stinky? It’s vanilla and cinnamon. Everyone loves vanilla and cinnamon.
Mr Griffs: [Looks grumpy] Well, I don’t. I don’t like any scented candles. They give me a headache and make me sneeze. I know for a fact that many people feel the same way but don’t come out and say it. They’re afraid that people would judge them. It’s like Mrs Griffs. She puts them on all the time and then leaves the house. It’s all for the show. Plus it’s dangerous.
Author 1: But what about all the candle shops out there? People love scented candles.
Mr Griffs: These shops are rorting the system. It stinks!
There you have it! Mr Griffs is not a fan of scented candles. We on the other hand are undecided. Care to weigh in on the debate?
Mr Griffs often gets confused between wafers and waffles. He never orders them at cafés as he’s worried that he’ll get the wrong one. But he has a solution for this. Mr Griffs suggests that when you order either a wafer or a waffle at a café, they should come together as one package. Simple.
We sat down with Mr Griffs and spoke to him about his previous camping experience. Knowing that Mr Griffs has always loved the outdoors and that he in fact lived on a farm when he was younger, we certainly didn't expect his reply.
‘I’m all for camping, but I’m not a fan of tents. They always tell you that the tent will fit three people, but you’d be luck to squeeze in two. And at night time you can’t move. You can’t turn around. You have to sleep like a mummy. I tell you what, you’re better off not taking one.’
So we asked Mr Griffs, what if it was raining or snowing? Surely you'd have to take a tent with you?
‘Nowadays, they have these things called huts,' Mr Griffs said. 'Much more comfortable. But if you’d hard pressed, get a sturdy stick and your most loose t-shirt and pitch it like a tent. Why do you think I wear baggy clothes all the time?’
We had no idea whether Mr Griffs was being serious or not (a confusion shared by many) – so best not to try this at home.
Mr Griffs often likes talking about random topics. Recently, he’d been going on about mushrooms. So we asked him, what it is about mushrooms that you like so much?
Half ignoring our question, Mr Griffs replied, ‘I still haven’t been able to find a good recipe for mushroom soup. Do you know of any?’
There you have it. Mr Griffs’ greatest conundrum of the week. Does anyone out there have an answer for Mr Griffs? If not, perhaps you should ask yourself, when was the last time you had a good mushroom soup. Does such a thing even exist?
We asked Mr Griffs whether he prefers print or digital books.
‘I don’t mind print books.' With a cheeky smile he said, 'I know I’m not supposed to, but I like to fold the corners of the page to mark where I left off. I can never find a bookmark, anyway’.
Hearing this, we assured him that it wasn’t such a bad habit and that lots of people do that.
Looking bashful, he then admitted that he also liked to lick his thumb before turning the page. ‘I suppose that’s why people like digital books. No licking the fingers. Less germs. It’s cleaner that way.'
#3 Rustic ~ 'Why does everything have to be described as being "rustic". Can't we think of a different adjective to describe things? Rustic cars, rustic signs, rustic houses, etc.' Hearing him say this, we asked Mr Griffs, what word would he prefer to use instead? After mulling it over for a minute Mr Griffs replied, 'On second thought, rustic is a pretty good word.'
#2 Boats - Mr Griffs might have a Northern English accent but he was actually born on a boat on international waters. His favourite thing about boats is catching the breeze through his tousled white hair and even through his baggy shirt. According to Mr Griffs you just don't get this when you're travelling on an airplane.
'The world through the eyes of Mr Griffs' showcases Mr Griffs' perspective on some of the world's most pressing matters. They will be random, thought provoking and funny. Well...at least we hope.
#1 Escalators ~ Mr Griffs has never been a fan of escalators. Mainly because he likes to wear oversized flip flops and he's always worried that the excess rubber will get caught at the top of the escalators. As Mr Griffs always says, 'Give me stairs any day'.
All Things Griffs
Mr Griffs leads a peaceful life. Or so he claims to. He lives on a quiet street, Pickle Mouse Crescent, in the idyllic town of Cornville. Yet for some reason, Mr Griffs always manages to find trouble. Or does trouble find him?