Ruby and Lucy Berendorff are two characters in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series. Ruby is ten years old and a deep thinker. She challenges Mr Griffs in the best way possible. Lucy is sweet and cute but at the same time very blunt. At eight years of age she is very inquisitive.
Ruby and Lucy live two doors down from the Griffs’ residence with their parents Mike and Ellen. Mr and Mrs Griffs often babysit the two girls but they’re always welcomed and regularly come to visit them.
Ruby and Lucy have a special bond with Mr Griffs as he always includes them on his wild schemes and adventures. Mr Griffs loves how free spirited they are and often encourages them to speak what’s on their minds.
It's no surprise that Mr Griffs loves tea. Especially when it comes with a side of cake. Curious about Mr Griffs' habits we couldn’t resist asking him what was it about tea he loves so much.
‘It’s just soothing. Plus, there’s a whole ritual when it comes to tea. You have to wait for it to brew, pour it slowly and savour the taste.’
We followed this up by pointing out the fact that you can apply the same ritual to coffee.
Mr Griffs waved a dismissive hand at us. ‘What are you talking about? Everyone wants coffee on the go these days.'
Mr Griffs was so adamant that we had to ask him if there was any tea flavour he didn’t like. ‘I’m not crazy about camomile tea. First of all, I always forget how to pronounce the name. Secondly, it’s a bit too bland for my taste. But I do like to make myself a cup every now and then as I don’t mind the smell of it. You know, the steamy stuff that comes from it.'
That’s Mr Griffs for you.
| Trying to contain his satisfaction, Steve calmly asked, ‘Do you know when he’ll be back? This type of situation calls for a direct apology. I’d really love to give it to him.’ |
There has always been tension between Steve Moran and Mr Griffs, especially with Steve always looking to blame his neighbour when things go wrong for him. It doesn’t help Mr Griffs’ cause that in many instances he is at fault.
In this scene, Steve just received confirmation from Mrs Griffs that her husband was behind the horde of wild bush turkeys that took residence on his property. And yet, Steve is not entirely right. There were other forces at work.
Is Steve Moran right to blame Mr Griffs for this incident?
There are so many varieties of cheese out there and we were curious to find out whether Mr Griffs had a favourite.
‘I like a lot of cheese. Not so much the blue stuff. Cheese blue. No, blue cheese. That’s it.’
We asked if he could elaborate on this. ‘I was given a real stinky one as a present once. It was so stinky, that I didn’t know what to do with it. And then it hit me. Steve. I wrapped it up and gave it to him. He seemed to enjoy it. It was one of the very few time he was appreciative. What can I say, the man likes stinky cheese.’
We decided to write an uncut version of the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series to share with our readers many of the back stories that we come up with as we write. Never Assume: Uncut features exclusive bonus material and interviews with some of your favourite characters. We tried to conduct each interview with every character separately but it was not easy keeping them away from each other.
We asked Mr Griffs if he liked any particular artist and what he thought about some of the world’s most famous paintings. Not hesitating, Mr Griffs launched into story about how years ago, he and Mrs Griffs wanted to paint their house. Mrs Griffs wanted to use a different colour for each room but he was having none of it.
‘The sample colours never match the actual colour of the paint. Who cares if it’s called “Crimson Zest” or “Blue Marshmallow” – it’s just a marketing tactic and the colours never turn out right.’
We asked him what colour he ended up painting the house.
‘You know, you can’t go wrong with “White”. Maybe off-white. The only problem is you end up leaving finger prints on the walls. That’s why I have a rule in my house. No touching the walls!'
His face became contemplative. ‘I wonder if these great artists and famous painters of the world have the same problem that I have.’
Never Assume, is the first story in The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs series.
J & K Joseph are a brother and sister team from Sydney, Australia. This is first book that they’ve ever published.
In case you’ve missed it, here is a blurb of Never Assume: | Mr Griffs loves everything his neighbour hates.
While Mr Griffs enjoys wearing baggy clothes, Steve Moran only dresses in designer suits. Mr Griffs relishes his privacy and Steve regularly snoops on people. Mr Griffs appreciates wildlife whereas Steve sees wild animals as pests.
Their long standing rivalry escalates when Steve accuses Mr Griffs of digging holes in his garden. In response, Mr Griffs uses a particularly hot batch of his wife’s spicy nuts to get back at Steve.
Mr Griffs and Steve Moran rarely see eye to eye, but they do have one thing in common. They’re both guilty of assuming.
Absurd and quirky - this is just a typical day in the life of Mr Griffs.
Confirming his suspicion that Steve had in fact been spying on him the other day, Mr Griffs said loudly, ‘Next time you decide to snoop around my garden, you ought to change your cologne. It’s a dead giveaway. It’s so stinky!’ |
Mrs Griffs’ famous spiced nuts was a feature in Never Assume. Mr Griffs, not one for spicy food, wasn’t a fan of this particular batch. Mrs Griffs can often be haphazard when seasoning her food. We reckon she over spices them on purpose just to keep her husband on his toes. But of course, Mrs Griffs won’t admit to anything.
We recently sat down with Mr Griffs to interview him for Never Assume: Uncut, which is an exclusive behind the scenes look into Never Assume. Wanting the interview space to be as homey as possible, we lit a scented candle. What happened next inspired this week’s ‘The World through the Eyes of Mr Griffs’.
Author 1: Thanks for joining us, Mr Griffs. If I can ask you about -. Mr Griffs: Hold on a minute. I’m not answering any questions until you blow out that stinky candle!
Author 2: Stinky? It’s vanilla and cinnamon. Everyone loves vanilla and cinnamon.
Mr Griffs: [Looks grumpy] Well, I don’t. I don’t like any scented candles. They give me a headache and make me sneeze. I know for a fact that many people feel the same way but don’t come out and say it. They’re afraid that people would judge them. It’s like Mrs Griffs. She puts them on all the time and then leaves the house. It’s all for the show. Plus it’s dangerous.
Author 1: But what about all the candle shops out there? People love scented candles.
Mr Griffs: These shops are rorting the system. It stinks!
There you have it! Mr Griffs is not a fan of scented candles. We on the other hand are undecided. Care to weigh in on the debate?
All Things Griffs
Mr Griffs leads a peaceful life. Or so he claims to. He lives on a quiet street, Pickle Mouse Crescent, in the idyllic town of Cornville. Yet for some reason, Mr Griffs always manages to find trouble. Or does trouble find him?